bad boy

ponder over this: "one common misunderstanding that 'nice guys' have is that they think the opposite of conflict is appeasement, which sometimes includes timid deception. The opposite of conflict is actually resolution, a process that demands bold truthfulness... 'Nice guys' are afraid to be bold. They're afraid that when they move into masculinity they may misstep, say something wrong, upset the order of things. They worry that they may go overboard and not behave perfectly. They think: "If I live small, I'll make less mistakes." Peace that avoids and denies actual conflict is counterfeit, using passivity as an excuse." - adapted from Paul Coughlin

something i read that really struck me especially after the boss WK revealed that he had hired me because he thought that i was the kind of guy that would say "ah, that's bullsh*t lah! don't waste your time!" to a lousy suggestion. thought that i would be the 'bad boy' of the team apparently. someone to take after himself. lol..

incidentally, WK also asked me a question that day during the CNY celebration: "eh, you really always this quiet wan ah?" hm.. really reminds me of the teachers' comments which almost always shows up every year in my primary and secondary school report books: "... he's a very quiet boy in class..".

but i admit it's always been a problem for me lah. i've always been quiet, passive and - dare i say it? - 'nice' since young, especially around people i dun know very well, or around people of seniority or authority.

i realised that i really needed to do something to handle this issue of my life about more than a year ago and i've been working on it since then. well, i guess i've made some progress seeing how i always manage to irritate certain people, hehe.. but i guess i still got a long way to go before i can really say i've conquered this problem. how long will it take? who really knows? but one thing's for sure: it has got to be done - and it will.

"Until one is committed, there is hesitancy, the chance to draw back, always ineffectiveness. Concerning all acts of initiative and creation, there is one elementary truth the ignorance of which kills countless ideas and splendid plans: that the moment one definitely commites oneself, then providence moves too. All sorts of things occur to help on that would never otherwise have occurred. A whole stream of events issues from the decision, raising in one's favor all manner of unforeseen incidents, meetings and material assistance which no man could have dreamed would have come his way. Whatever you can do or dream you can, begin it. Boldness has genius, power ... in it. Begin it now." - Johann Wolfgang von Goethe